10. Wee Weenie Carrot.
We love organic fruits and veggies here at Organic Authority, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have a certain fondness for those rejects from the green grocer’s table that look a little... different. Just because an edible piece of earth-grown goodness appears a bit bizarre, doesn’t mean it’s crammed full of chemicals or that it's genetically modified to the max. In fact, you might think some of these succulent veggies look mouth-wateringly delicious. Vegetables grow into such cheeky forms due to a variety of environmental factors such as unfavorable growing conditions or inadequate pollination. But (speaking of inadequacy) is this an excuse for some of the lewder shapes these errant veggies take? You decide. Just remember: what we see says more about the purity of our minds than the failing of some fruity-looking fruit.
9. You say potato, we say good golly...
Almost too explicit to be included; this potato's resemblance to the male member is made the more stark by the way it’s being gripped. You know what we could do with one of these? Whip up some mashed potatoes! If the definition of an oddly shaped veggie is one that’s not in line with its normal body plan, this bad boy sure fits the bill.
8. Nice to meet you, Ben Dover...
A switch of gender now with another bawdy view we might not expect from a potato. Two buttocks are placed on a plinth and we’d sooner not go into any more detail. As for a pseudo-scientific explanation, it looks like a case of Siamese twins – that's two fruit growing together, which is actually not all that uncommon.
Now we're as big fans of pomme de terres as the next culinarily inclined folks – a mid-sized, oven baked jacket potato (with its skin on, of course) provides almost half our recommended Daily Value of vitamin C plus a fair percentage of the potassium and vitamin B6 we need – but nutrients need some table manners too.
7. Parsnip caught with its pants down
Not according to this parsnip, which isn’t so much phallic as packing its very own projecting phallus. It’s like the bottom half of a miniature mannequin that was a little too well made, with a naughty bit it should put away. Either that or nature's designer lost count and started on a third leg it couldn’t finish. Obscenely inspired.
6. Well hung carrot
This next lascivious reject from Nature's line of veggie dummies is a carrot letting it all hang out... But speaking seriously for a second about the causes of such abnormalities: when a root vegetable is growing and its tip receives damage, it's liable to split, forming various roots joined at one point. Cue peels of laughter.
Of course, when they're not getting all frisky and upsetting the in-laws, root veggies like these make for great grub. For a simple, tasty dish, try this: parboil some parsnips andcarrots for 8-10 minutes; let them cool; toss them in olive oil, garlic, rosemary and seasoning; then roast for 35 minutes, or until golden brown. Delish!
5. Cheeky butt-tomato
What’s plump, juicy, has two squeezable cheeks and would look irresistible, however you dressed it? Hint: the answer has nothing to do with J-Lo and everything to do with this prime bit of beef – beef tomato, that is. With this evidence, it’s easy to see whytomatoes were once known as love apples.
4. Enough to make the other fruit blush
OK, phallic cucumbers we get. Squashes too. Even carrots we can understand. But tomatoes? These plump greenhouse products should be flying the flag for all things curvaceous, not flaunting bits that jut out at an embarrassing angle like a half-raised marquee. Maybe it was stored too close to the peaches.
For a mouth-watering yet devilishly simple salad to clean your palate after a meal, lay a few fresh slices of a deliciously, garden, fresh tomato on a serving plate, sprinkle with a pinch of fleur de sel, drizzle it with some balsamic glaze and extra-virgin olive oil. Can you say, yum?!
3. Strawberry doo-dah
Dear oh dear, what do we have next on the menu? A strawberry that really shouldn’t have been allowed to grow into this shape. As we’re learning, it’s really not unusual for fruit and veggies to take on the amusing appearance of our own more private body parts. Enough to make Grandma cover her eyes.
Still, before we crack up, back to the scientific explanation bit: damage to one part of a given veggie can cause the growth to slow in that area while the rest continues to develop as normal, and even more mutation will occur if this happens while the plant is still in its embryonic stage.
2. Peppery porn
No mutations in this next snapshot of vegetable naughtiness – just shamelessly choreographed eroticism of the bawdiest kind. Or smut, we prefer to call it. For shame. Soft vegetable porn if we ever saw it.
These peppers may have been exempt from such legislation, but did you know there was a recent attempt to reinstate an EU-wide ban on misshapen fruit and veggies, which was blocked over concerns that it would increase food wastage? "The shape of a fruit is irrelevant to its taste and nutrition," said one British Euro MP in response to the proposed "uniform standardization parameters" which would have forbidden everything from curly cucumbers to fused fruit like those we’ve seen. “Bravo!” came the chorus from these coarsest of veggies.
1. Hot chilli pepper peckers
Were these wayward peppers grown using moulds that helped shape them into these lewd forms – complete with wrinkles and folds? Apparently not – although the semblance between them and a certain part of the male anatomy seems too conspicuous for simple serendipity. Whatever next?
What can I say to conclude this XXX-rated garden show? Well for one I can wish all the contestants luck for the future. Not that they’ll need it. They’re living proof that ruder forms survive.
|Written by Shilo Urban|
Frying chicken is fairly simple, if a little messy. You dip pieces of chicken into a mix of egg and milk, roll them around in flour and spices, then cook the chicken in sizzling hot oil until the pieces are brown, crispy and delicious.
But wait! Don’t forget to add a dash of dimethylpolysiloxane, an anti-foaming agent made of silicone that is also used in Silly Putty and cosmetics.
Now add a heaping spoonful of tertiary butylhydroquinone (TBHQ), which is a chemical preservative and a form of butane (AKA lighter fluid). One gram of TBHQ can cause “nausea, vomiting, ringing in the ears, delirium, a sense of suffocation, and collapse," according to A Consumer’s Dictionary of Food Additives. Five grams of TBHQ can killyou.
Sprinkle on thirteen other corn-derived ingredients, and you're only about twenty shy as many ingredients as a single chicken nugget from McDonald’s. And you were using pulverized chicken skin and mechanically reclaimed meat for your chicken, right?
No one in his or her right mind would cook chicken like this. Yet every day, hoards of Americans consume these ingredients in Chicken McNuggets, which McDonalds claims are “made with white meat, wrapped up in a crisp tempura batter.”
However chicken only accounts for about 50% of a Chicken McNugget. The other 50% includes a large percentage of corn derivatives, sugars, leavening agents and other completely synthetic ingredients, meaning that parts of the nugget do not come from a field or farm at all. They come from a petroleum plant. Hungry?
Scariest perhaps is the fact that this recipe is a new and improved, “healthier” Chicken McNugget launched in 2003 after a federal judge called the deep-fried poultry bites “a McFrankenstein creation of various elements not utilized by the home cook.” Also terrifying is the fact that these McFrankenuggets are overwhelmingly marketed to children who love their fun shapes and kid-friendly size.
While McDonald’s is of course the poster child for fast food ire, if you look at the nutritional information for chicken at any fast food restaurant, the ingredient list will be dozens of items longer than the egg, flour, chicken and oil recipe you might use at home.
Eating fast food is a habit, but it is one that you can break? No doubt you rarely plan to have a delicious meal at Arby’s for dinner, a lingering lunch at Carl’s Jr. or a special breakfast at the Burger King in the airport. It just happens. You are late, tired, hungry, broke, or all of the above. You have no time, and you must find something to eat before you crash. All of a sudden a bright, friendly sign beckons from the side of the road: Drive-through!
In five minutes you are happily chowing down on an inexpensive, filling meal. But don’t be fooled – the true cost of fast food does not come out of your wallet, but out of your body, your health, and your years on this earth.
You can break the unhealthy fast food habit: educate yourself about the true ingredients of fast food items, plan ahead for your meals, carry healthy snacks like nuts to ward off hunger and cook healthy chicken recipes at home. Convince yourself thatfast food is the most disgusting stuff on the planet and is harmful to you and to those you love. After reading this, that shouldn’t be too hard.
Full ingredient list for a Chicken McNugget (from McDonald’s website):
White boneless chicken, water, food starch-modified, salt, seasoning (autolyzed yeast extract, salt, wheat starch, natural flavoring (botanical source), safflower oil, dextrose, citric acid, rosemary), sodium phosphates, seasoning (canola oil, mono- and diglycerides, extractives of rosemary). Battered and breaded with: water, enriched flour (bleached wheat flour, niacin, reduced iron, thiamin mononitrate, riboflavin, folic acid), yellow corn flour, food starch-modified, salt, leavening (baking soda, sodium acid pyrophosphate, sodium aluminum phosphate, monocalcium phosphate, calcium lactate), spices, wheat starch, whey, corn starch. Prepared in vegetable oil (Canola oil, corn oil, soybean oil, hydrogenated soybean oil with TBHQ and citric acid added to preserve freshness). Dimethylpolysiloxane added as an antifoaming agent.
Full ingredient list for my fried chicken:
Bone-in chicken pieces, egg, milk, flour, canola oil, salt & pepper.
Want to promote healthy skin and proper digestion? Interested in a natural detoxifier? Water is a basic necessity. The body is more than two-thirds water, and keeping it hydrated is vital. Some reasons to sip H2O include:
Healthy blood and bones. Your blood is over 80 percent water and your bones over 50 percent water. Proper hydration is required to optimize creation of new blood and bone cells.
Toxin elimination. Skip the fancy (and costly) detox plans: Plain water naturally helps remove toxins through the lymphatic system, intestines and kidneys.
Lubricated joints. Water helps protect against wear and tear and can even help reduce joint pain.
Proper digestion. Water helps prevent constipation by adding bulk to stools and fluid to the colon.
Alertness. Even minor dehydration can lead to headaches, irritability, impaired concentration and fatigue. The human brain is 85 percent water; keeping it hydrated is essential for proper functioning.
Healthy skin. Water hydrates from the inside out, helping to maintain elasticity of the skin.
The standard recommendation is to drink at least eight 8-ounce glasses a day. I don't believe there is solid evidence that such a high volume is essential for everyone; however, do drink throughout the day - this is easier if you keep a large glass or water bottle handy at all times. I have always recommended drinking high-quality bottled water or, if possible, getting a water-purification system for your home.