Speak pipe



This course is a courtesy of my friend Dan Fendler from Twin cities,Mn

Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'

Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg....
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life..'
Puff! He's gone.

'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'

Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it..

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him
Morals of the story:

(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!



8 filiżanek herbaty lub kawy dobre dla serca i mózgu

Osiem wypitych filiżanek herbaty dziennie - przesada? Być może, ale... Niektórzy eksperci twierdzą, że taka ilość może mieć korzystny wpływ na nasz układ sercowo-naczyniowy, pracę mózgu oraz na długość życia.
Kofeinowe napoje takie jak herbata, kawa czy kakao mają pozytywny wpływ na funkcje mentalne, podnoszą czujność, poprawiają samopoczucie i pamięć krótkotrwałą – wykazały badania niezależnej dietetyczki Dr Carrie Ruxton z londyńskiego King's College.
Prowadzone wcześniej badania dowiodły, że picie napojów zawierających antyoksydanty i duże ilości flawonoidów zapobiega chorobom serca i zmniejsza ryzyko wystąpienia raka – podaje serwis indiatimes.com.
Ruxton potwierdza badania dotyczące pozytywnych skutków kofeiny. Według niej, 400mg kofeiny dziennie jest optymalną dawką, która znaczączo wpłynie na procesy myślowe i przeciwdziałanie chorobom serca.
Ludzie którzy ograniczają picie napojów zawierających kofeinę nie zyskują jej pozytywnych właściwości jakie posiada. Nie ma potrzeby, aby rodzice zabraniali dzieciom picia herbaty czy kawy – dodaje.
Na podstawie trzech badań na łacznej grupie 90 tys. pacjentów odkryła, że picie ośmiu filiżanek herbaty lub czterech kawy dziennie zmniejsza ryzyko wystąpienia chorób układu krążenia.
Ruxton w ten sposób chce zmienić negatywny wizerunek jaki otacza kofeinę.

Pee to help make your garden grow

from BBC

Gardeners help the composting process

The 'pee bale' is only in use out of visitor hours

Gardeners at a National Trust property in Cambridgeshire are urging people to relieve themselves outdoors to help gardens grow greener.

A three-metre long "pee bale" has been installed at Wimpole Hall.

Head gardener Philip Whaites is urging his male colleagues to pee on the straw bale to activate the composting process on the estate's compost heap.

He said the "pee bale" is only in use out of visitor hours, since "we don't want to scare the public".

He said: "For eight weeks now, male members of our garden and estate teams have been using the outdoor straw bale when nature calls.

"The pee bale is excellent matter to add to our compost heap to stimulate the composting process; and with over 400 acres of gardens and parkland to utilise compost, we need all the help we can get.


http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/nol/shared/img/v3/start_quote_rb.gifAdding a little pee just helps get it all going http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/nol/shared/img/v3/end_quote_rb.gif

Rosemary Hooper, master composter

"There are obvious logistical benefits to limiting it to male members of the team, but also male pee is preferable to women's, as the male stuff is apparently less acidic."

By the end of the year, it was calculated that the 10 men from the 70-strong garden and estates team will make more 1,000 individual trips to the pee bale, contributing towards the compost for the estate.

The estate said it will have saved up to 30% of its daily water use by not having to flush the loo so many times.

Rosemary Hooper, Wimpole estate's in-house master composter, said: "Most people can compost in some way in their own gardens.

"Peeing on a compost heap activates the composting process, helps to produce a ready supply of lovely organic matter to add back to the garden.

"Adding a little pee just helps get it all going; it's totally safe and a bit of fun too."


Gorgonzola Walnut Stuffed Pork

1 pork tenderloin (about 12 ounces)
1/2 teaspoon each salt and pepper
1/4 cup (about 2 ounces) crumbled gorgonzola cheese
1/2 tablespoon chopped fresh thyme or 1/2 teaspoon dried
1 teaspoon lemon zest
1/4 cup chopped walnuts
2 teaspoons olive oil
Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Cut pork tenderloin in half lengthwise to make two long pieces. Use a meat mallet or coffee mug to pound them to about 1/2-inch thick. Season with salt and pepper. In a small bowl, combine cheese, thyme and lemon zest. Mash well with fork and set aside. Heat a large, dry, oven-safe skillet over medium-high heat. Add walnuts and toast, stirring often, until light brown, 1 to 2 minutes. Stir walnuts into the cheese mixture. Spread the mixture in a strip down the center of each pork piece. Roll up and secure with kitchen string or toothpicks. Heat oil in skillet over medium-high heat. Sear pork on all sides and each end for about 30 seconds. Place skillet in oven and roast 10 minutes. Remove from oven, cover loosely with foil and let rest 10 minutes. Remove string or toothpicks and slice to serve.
Active time: 20 minutes
Total time: 40 minutes
Servings: 2
Approximate nutritional values per serving: 443 calories, 28 g fat, 136 mg cholesterol, 46 g protein, 4 g carbohydrates, 1 g fiber, 1,013 mg sodium, 56 percent calories from fat.


Change from Western diet to reduce disease risk

Compounds produced by frying, grilling, or pasteurizing may be driving inflammation and ageing, according to a new study from the US.
But reducing intakes of compounds called advanced glycation end products (AGEs) may reduce inflammation and help boost the body’s natural defences, according to results of a dietary intervention published in the Journal of Clinical Endocrinology and Metabolism.
AGEs are toxic substances reportedly produced in abundance in the Western diets, as a result of heating, pasteurisation, drying, smoking, frying or grilling. The compounds are said to promote oxidation and inflammation, which may ultimately increase the risk of chronic diseases, such as diabetes and heart disease.
The study adds to previous studies on that point the finger at the highly processed foods and meats consumed in the Western diet in relation to a range of conditions, from obesity to colorectal cancer.
Researchers from the US National Institute on Aging and Mount Sinai School of Medicine report that a simple dietary intervention that reduces intakes of AGEs may promote weight loss and improve overall health. The improvements occurred without changing caloric or nutrient intake, said the researchers.
“What is noteworthy about our findings is that reduced AGE consumption proved to be effective in all study participants, including healthy persons and persons who have a chronic condition such as kidney disease,” said study author Professor Helen Vlassara from Mount Sinai School of Medicine.
The new study involved 40 healthy people aged between 18 and 45, or older than 60, and another 9 people with kidney disease. The subjects were randomly assigned to one of two diets: One group continued to consume their own regular Western diet, while the second group consumed a diet with the same calorie and nutrient content, but with 50 per cent less AGEs.
Participants in the AGE-less intervention were advised poach, stew, or steam their meals.


schab z musztardą zawiniety w boczku

Schab wieczorem zamarynowalem w ziolach, czosnku, soli, pieprzu - kto co lubi,
posmarowałem musztardą postrą dijon
dzis owinelem go plastrami boczku surowego wedzonego, jeszcze nicią bawelnianą
obwiązałem, potem w piekarniku200 C pieklem okolo godziny zakrytę folią .
20 min przed wyjęciem ściagnełem folię
Bardzo armatyczne i soczyste mięsko